There is times I find myself emerged in sadness because I just want to cry and be sad. Yet I want to be mentally strong to let it go and not care as much. The problem, I care too fast and too strong. I’m a passionate person, literally in every sense of the word, I love with my WHOLE heart. If I don’t then I don’t. It hurts but I manage. What reminds me how to not care is to write down why I don’t care.
This paragraph above was written over a year ago, and got somehow saved in my drafts. I can’t believe I look back at this paragraph now and get to understand my feelings and what I did wrong. How I’m learning to grieve, grieving doesn’t always mean you have to have lost someone it can mean you’re grieving a hurtful situation, or an action, a wrong doing. I implore everyone to learn how to grieve, caring isn’t the way to get over a situations, allowing yourself to grieve is how you get over a situation. This in life are ALWAYS going to hurt you, especially when like me you do everything or most things with a good intention. You can’t bear witness to someone elses suffering. In my case I can’t, I always soothe I find away, even if I was the one to cause harm. It doesn’t necessarily mean I might be sorry about causing harm, which is my own fault, something I need to maturely understand is so wrong. I have this bad habit of being very spiteful towards those who do me wrong, mostly those who cause me harm, I have this automatic defense mechanism that reverts back to the wrong doings of my parents. We are all a product of our environment, however we always get to determine the outcome. We get to choose if we want to remain a product of that environment or if we want to break free of it and learn from their mistakes! Some aren’t so emotionally capable unfortunely but I really encourage you to look at your life story, use your moral compass, forgive those who have wronged you and let go of all the negativity, while embracing it as a part of your strength and story.
Send good vibes~~~~~ because you deserve it!