Today 

Hey guys! 

Today is today. Day by day. Little By Little I can see myself growing and becoming stronger. Thank you lord because you give me strength and show me spirit. Thank you for my life thank you for the food on my table and for the courage to continue growing learning crying and becoming ultimately fearless through you. I can see and feel happiness creeping in ❤️

Advertisements

Around and around 

So it seems like forever since I wrote to you guys, whoever it is that might stop by my blog and read my deep crazy thought out voice of reason? Lol who knows but I guess let me pour it all out. As mentioned it’s been a while and it’s been a hard long journey. One where I’ve been forced to learn to love and let go of people and things and most importantly I’ve been lucky enough to grow from all of it. Without a struggle there is no strength and no growth. I feel like I’ve really been working my heart and head overtime. My emotions have been on overdrive trying to be reasoned and controlled. However what I’ve learned is emotions can’t be either of those things. They can’t be reasoned, they can’t be controlled , the only thing that can help you with emotions is not only to learn to be ok with them, but most importantly to feel them. No one is going to feel anything for you but you. You can’t reflect your feelings on others, you can only do that for you. Sure it’s so much easier to have someone help you and nurse you during this hard journey but ultimately all you really need is yourself. They stronger you work that muscle they bigger better it will work for you. So I’m taking it all with a grain of salt. Sure it’s not easy. A lot of tears, a lot of music a lot of downtime and some more learning is what I see in my future but why do anything else than that. Eventually people try and deflect from their feelings to have them all creep up at the worst moment. I’ve learned not to let that happen to me! I have to be smarter than those people and really have the ability to flex this muscle no matter how hard it gets. This is only the beginning. I think I’ve lived in fear and desperation and denial even shock for the past few months which has lead me to make a lot of things I wouldn’t have done otherwise, it hurts but I have to pick up all the pieces and put them back together know I’m alive, I’m healthy, km blessed and the person I am is enough to fall in love with me. I just have to be honest about everything and feel the notions in my life right now. If this helps anyone on their journey of self discovery just know you’re not alone, there’s no right way or wrong way of doing this. There’s only your way, embrace it and don’t beat yourself up about things. Life is always hard but as long as you stay as true to yourself as you can! You’ll love and live to tell the tale! 
Can I get a high five?

Yea 🙂 – Nathy